Know: The Foundation of Caring Leadership
"This is harder than it appears for it requires time, effort, and a refocusing of our attention from ourselves to others." - Terry Cook
In Terry Cook's Trusted Leader Model, the first and foundational element of demonstrable care is knowing - being genuinely aware of and recognizing people's needs, situations, challenges, and aspirations. This goes beyond surface-level familiarity to deeper understanding.
Why Knowing Matters
Knowing serves as the foundation for all other aspects of care for several key reasons:
It Demonstrates Value: When leaders take time to truly know team members, it communicates that they are worth the investment of attention.
It Enables Customized Care: Different people need different forms of support. Knowing enables leaders to tailor their approach to individual needs.
It Builds Connection: Being known creates a sense of belonging and recognition that meets fundamental human needs.
It Prevents Misguided Support: Without knowing, leaders may offer help that misses the mark or even makes situations worse.
The Knowing Challenge
Despite its importance, truly knowing others presents significant challenges. As Cook observes:
"Many leaders just don't see what's before them. They are too busy or distracted with other things to really see. Others don't want to see. Humans are complex creatures."
This highlights two key obstacles:
Distraction: The demands of leadership often focus attention on tasks, goals, and urgent matters rather than people.
Avoidance: Some leaders intentionally maintain distance, viewing deeper knowing as unnecessary, inappropriate, or too complex.
Practicing Knowing
Here are practical ways to strengthen the "knowing" element of care in your leadership:
Create Structured Opportunities for Sharing
Regular One-on-Ones: Schedule consistent time with each team member that includes discussion beyond task updates.
Team Rituals: Create team practices that help people share about themselves (e.g., starting meetings with check-ins).
Periodic "Deep Dives": Have occasional longer conversations focused specifically on understanding each person more fully.
Ask Better Questions
Open-Ended Questions: "What's been most challenging for you recently?" rather than "Everything going okay?"
Follow-Up Questions: "Tell me more about that..." or "How did that impact you?"
Perspective Questions: "How do you see this situation?" or "What would make this work better for you?"
Develop Systems for Remembering
Keep Notes: Document important information about team members' situations, preferences, and needs.
Create Reminders: Schedule follow-ups on personal matters or challenges previously discussed.
Maintain Context: Before meetings, review notes about the person to refresh your awareness of their situation.
Remove Barriers to Seeing
Reduce Distractions: During conversations, put away devices and minimize interruptions.
Create Margin: Build buffer time around meetings to allow space for real conversation.
Practice Presence: Develop the habit of fully focusing on the person in front of you.
This post is the first in a series exploring Terry Cook's four elements of demonstrable care: Know, Connect, Provide, and Protect. Stay tuned for the next installment on "Connect: Understanding and Empathy."